I feel embarrassed every time I give my salutation at the end of my prayer. I feel embarrassed with my own self over my request to have you from Allah. And yet I really do know and I am aware that I do not deserve you at all. How could someone evil like me can enter you? How could a person like me who is still covered with sins and filth, be allowed to sit idly inside you. While my sins which are as high as a mountain, I am not certain when they will all be forgiven ! My repentance is still full of falsehood. Even though I have made efforts to repent over my false repentance…
O Jannatul Firdaus,
The news is that you will only accept people who have safeguarded and blessed hearts, while my heart is really full of rusted evil traits. Being resentful, laziness, self-centered, egoistic, arrogance, love for the world, fear of death, all these are still nesting within my heart. I am still unsure as to when I will be cured. I have fought against all of them but there are still some that remain.
What other ways can I get to you? Surely, You are really waving towards the siddiqin, the syuhada and the muqarrobin for them to get inside you. Just look at me. My journey towards there, I feel that it seems to be so far away. I feel that it is beyond my reach. While Allah, Al Mighty God has prepared only two final destinations, Paradise or Hell. O no!
O Allah, please, I beg for Your blessings. As I know that, human beings are thrown into Hell because of Your justice and they enter Paradise because of Your blessings… Your blessings are what I ask for..
* The world is hard but Hell is extremely agonizing.
*The world is beautiful, but Paradise is extremely delightful.